04 April 2013 "Falling In Love With A Favorite Song"

I like to think that love is something like finding a new favorite song.

In the beginning, the song is new, eclectic, different. There really isn’t anything that draws you to it, except for the fact that it is simply unlike anything you have heard before. Its chords are put together in a way that might not be beautiful, not the first time you hear them, but instead, as your ears become accustomed to the sounds, you like it more and more.

The same goes for the first stages of falling in love. You meet her, and something about her draws you in. She may be quiet, she may be afraid to speak lest someone correct her in something that should have been embarrassingly blatantly obvious. But there’s something different about her, something pretty in the way she swings her hips in accidental sensuality. There’s something nice about the way her eyelashes curl upwards and something gentle in the way her collar bones connect with her smooth shoulders.

He may be something you can’t imagine yourself ever being friends with. He’s loud and everything about his personality swallows your own, making you feel self-conscious and scared because of its difference. He may not even talk to you for that first little while. Is it because he doesn’t like you? How on earth should you know, all you do know is that he’s different and you’ve always gone safe.

With enough time of listening to it, the song forces its way into your mind, and it makes you smile as you feel it drawing you in like a magnet. Everything about it feels like a good idea, and the more you listen the more easily you are convinced.

She’s something you need to have. It doesn’t matter where or when, but the more you get to know her, the easier it is to understand that things will not move on until she is yours. For one night, or longer, it doesn’t matter. She forces her way into your mind and you are willing to work hard to get what you want.

Everything about him seems harmless and tryable, as it flips over in your mind. How bad could it be? To try things out, as a way of understanding them a little more clearly. The yes you say to let him be with you for one night, it seems okay enough.

            It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The way this song can surprise you every time? Just when you’ve become comfortable in your understanding of it, you hear another little chord progression you missed, or another instrument that makes it that that much better to listen to.

When she smiles and stands up to dance and laugh with your friends you begin to understand with surprise how much depth this girl really has. Maybe she’s more than you thought originally, because today she is somewhere she’s never been with people she’s never met, and she’s holding her own. How fantastic it feels to be surprised by her again! To sit back and smile because you really can’t seem to place her in a category where all her moves and moods are predictable. Tonight though, it is all okay. She fits in with your friends as well as the embers dancing from the tiny fire, as well as the empty beer cans littering the driveway, as well as the cold grass and the lights from the garage, as well as the moon in the dark blue sky.

Tonight is the night of your homecoming, and the McDonalds cup gives you liquid courage. It’s so easy to stand up and smile and talk to people you’ve never met before when your body feels this warm and this light. It’s cold, but that’s just until you start to dance. How could you have lived your entire life missing it in this way? Sitting at home when you could be smiling and twirling in circles and dancing with all your wonderful new friends? What has he introduced you to? A new world, and it’s wonderful and lit by the stars.

            Your song has become familiar. There is a routine to it, and it’s a good thing, for now. The feeling is familiar, and it was unprecedented, but you begin to expect it will remain this way, even if you wish sometimes for a little more variety.

You know now how she will act. It’s funny to see people who don’t know her try to change her. It’s funny to watch as they try and fail, just as you have. But in the back of your mind, all you really want is for her to change enough to let you in. She’s so stuck in her morality, it’s hard to believe she would ever change. But the routine is taken over by the fact that you remember what she was before she met you.

What comfort he brings you. He’s something that will always be there to take you places and to laugh with you as you joke about your relationship. How could you ever really understand how much he wants you? You know the words, because you’ve heard them. But want is something of little importance to you, you have your own problems to be worried about.

            A last few times of listening to your favorite song, and you finally lay it to rest, accepting that it is the same song and will not be surprising you any longer. It is time to move on to different and more open. There isn’t time or energy enough to work on new songs like this one in order to make them fit you.

It’s exhausting trying this hard, and you don’t know how you got into this situation this deeply. She’s still not yours, and that’s all you’ve ever wanted. Maybe it is time to count your losses and go back to the drawing board. After all, there are plenty of other pretty girls out there. She isn’t, and cannot be the only one.

Just when you believe you have him without actually having him (because who could handle that commitment), things are boring and stale, and it’s time to move on. Things aren’t like they were that first night, magic and fun and free.

            The last stage of having a favorite song is stumbling upon it again after a while. It has had time to settle, and all of a sudden you remember how much you liked it before. Not only that, but you hear new things and it’s wonderful again.

Today she surprised you yet again, and you have to admit, it reminded you why you liked her in the first place. There’s new things about her and she’s different but there is still that little something about her. You can’t quite place it, but it’s there and you still want to have it.

Remember the familiarity? Well it’s different now, nothing about him is the same, but it’s still fun to be around him, and you always remember the fun of that first night and the fun that could be just around the corner. It’s great because memories last.