12 February 2013 "In the Black"

All of the time and energy and research I have spent on the Holocaust, and I have always felt the most scared whilst sitting quietly and unknowingly in the dark.

But somehow along the way, I realized something.

Maybe in a situation so like the Holocaust, maybe the darkness played a different part; the part of a friend.

After all, the only way I have been able to justify my fear of darkness is to understand that a fear of the dark is a fear of the unknown.

And in a situation such as one in a concentration camp, where death is huddled over everyone like a cold, wet blanket, maybe the unknown is something that brings comfort, brings hope. With something as certain as death in a death camp, it’s difficult to imagine that there is hope.

Seeing the light means seeing the bodies.

Seeing the light means feeling the heat, understanding the pain that can come from a cool breeze.

Seeing the light means not recognizing one’s own fingers; the bony edifices of an apparition.

Seeing the light means seeing the pain that shrieks from every bright gray corner.

But in the dark lies a sweet escape.

In the black, hands are plush and gentle again.

In the black, food is plentiful, only hidden.

In the black, the hope takes away breaths, it whispers of what tomorrow could be.

Not what it should be.

Not what it will be.

Behind closed eyes, I find consolation.