13 April 2011 journal entry

Families make absolutely no sense to me. You have a bunch of people who may or may not have anything in common, and they are forced to love each other no matter what? well that certainly wouldn’t fly anywhere else. Friends that you have nothing in common with are actually not really good friends at all. And friends that you are angry with constantly, well, you don’t hang around them all the time. It makes no sense to me that a bunch of people can have an inseparable, unwritten bond that forces them together. And that no matter what, that bond isn’t broken. It makes no sense to me that parents have an unconditional love for their children and vice versa. Maybe that’s because unconditional love is incredibly confusing to me. I’m learning more and more as life goes on, and one very important thing that I have realized is that humans are not perfect. No, humans are nowhere near perfect. So I guess we have to accept each other for how we are, no matter what, right? Because there is nothing better?  I don’t know. And that’s what also makes no sense. If a girl is talking about you behind your back and you find out about it, if someone is saying bad things, giving bad reports about you, you aren’t friends with them, right? If somebody makes you cry, makes you sit and sob for a long time because of something that either of you has said or done, things really don’t work themselves out, now do they? That’s what makes the least sense of all to me. Families can say all this crap about each other, they can talk about how they hate each other, whatever, but at the end of the day, apparently family is all someone has. Because blood is thicker than water? Well I disagree. Except for those like my mom, and my cousin Juliet, who know me and love me no matter what, I feel like I don’t really know my family. yeah, they would stick up for me, but I don’t think that I can agree that a member of my family who knows less about me will be there for me more than a friend who I am really close to will. and somehow I am supposed to have this love for them, be willing to do whatever for them at the drop of a hat. I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. How can a group of people just have a bond automatically? I am closer to some of my friends than I am to some of my family members. I just really don’t understand family. who knows what it is. Who knows why God gave us our families. Because everywhere I look, it looks like families are dysfunctional. Maybe  families are life lessons, or a way to teach us about the future, really, I have no idea. But then again, I think the internet knows the most about me. I post things on the internet that I wouldn’t dare tell family or friends. Nothing bad, but things that I am sensitive about, things I am confused about.