14 August 2012 fiction, Untitled rewritten after a five year gap

The bright yellow hue that the Wisconsin sun gave off streamed through the window, forcing me to open my eyes. The sound of birds chirping merrily forced me to wake up and make sense of my surroundings. My mother stirred next to me, far off into her dreams, in a place where the world could not touch her fragile mind. I looked at her sleeping figure. She was beautiful, my mom. I mean, flawless. Her face was clean from any blemishes, something I couldn’t say about my own. Her eyelashes were beautiful, highlighting her face perfectly, just like her hair, which was chestnut brown, and naturally rose in small ringlets. Her nose was perky and cute, and her lips were a dark cherry red, so she never had to wear lipstick. She had a perfect figure without even trying, something that earned her a lot of positive feedback. I envied her beauty, but mostly I envied that I hadn’t seemed to have inherited it, so I would never even have a chance to be as beautiful as she was.

 I stood up, pushing my wavy, pecan brown hair behind my ears, and gently put my feet on the floor. I walked over to the window and glanced at my own reflection. My eyes were their usual hazel color, and they looked tired. My nose had a small pimple, joining the slightly bigger one on the corner of my forehead. I sighed. Just what I needed, my skin to start breaking out. As if I needed the extra stress. I looked at my mouth, and at the frown that was beginning to describe my personality. I opened my mouth, approaching my favorite part of my reflection. My teeth were straight as could be, the result of recent orthodontics. They were also pretty white, thanks to the brushing and flossing I did every morning and night.

I stepped back, checking my overall reflection. My body looked pretty fit, thanks to the running I tried to do every day, and the vegetables I ate religiously. I sighed again, glancing back at my mother sleeping peacefully on her bed. It was so unfair that I had to work so hard to be so common looking, when my mother could be flawless without even putting forth an effort.

I turned away from my mother, and stepped past the bed and over to the small reading chair sitting in the center of my mother’s room. Sitting down and yawning, I glanced around and wondered why I was in my mother’s room in the first place. I hadn’t set foot into her private sanctuary in years, not since I had needed her to comfort me, instead of the other way around. Suddenly, all of the events of the previous night came flooding back to me in a rush that made my head sear in pain; a pain that forced me to lie back against the chair in agony. My anger, that fight. All of the realizations that we had tried so hard to pretend out of existence, come out for the entire world to see, and all of the neighbors to hear. I blinked, only to see something out the window that only made me feel worse.

A long black car had parked in our miniscule, gravel driveway, and a large man in a tight black suit was making his way to the door. I ran from the window, the curtains fluttering shut behind me. I rushed into my room, and leapt into my closet, shutting the door behind me. I clutched my old bear, the one I had gotten from my grandparents on my third birthday. That had been the last time I had seen them, the last time I was able to smell my grandmother’s comforting scent of peppermint, see the welcoming crinkle in the corner of my grandfather’s eyes. But that was the past. I had no time to dwell on the things that my mother had forced from me, the comforts she had stolen from my grasp, and thrown away from me. The man in the black suit was someone I had never expected to see, someone I was fine with living my life without. He was the man who had come to finally take me from my mother, my home, and the only life I had ever known.

            Three sharp raps on the front door startled me, and I pressed myself firmly against the back of my closet. It was just big enough for me to sit in, comfortably pressed against my clothes. It was a good thing I didn’t own very many, or else I would have been short one hiding spot. I heard my mother step down from her bed, her feet hitting the floor with a soft thump. She walked down the stairs, and I heard her open the door. I could almost feel the radiation from the fake smile I knew she was pasting on her face. She had always been good with people.

            “What seems to be the problem, sir?” my mother asked, seemingly innocent.

            “Ma’am,” the man began, in a bored sounding southern drawl. “I’m here because you have not been fulfillin’ your responsibility as mother to your child. I am here to take her with me, to an orphanage where she will be stayin’ until you can be taken to trial.”

            “I’m afraid that won’t be necessary, sir.” My mother said, still as cheerful as ever. “You see, whoever told you that I was not fulfilling my responsibility was mistaken. Where did you get that information?”

            The man sighed. “Ma’am, I cannot share that information with you, as it is not relevant to you or your case right now. If you could just step aside and take me to your daughter, then we will be in business.”

            My mother must have sensed that she could not win the current situation, and that the man was not going to leave, because she was silent, and I heard footsteps on the stairs. They approached my bedroom, and my mother opened my closet door.

            “Samantha?” she said softly. “Honey, you are going to have to come out and go with this man right now, okay?”

            I slowly stood up, and brushed off my shirt. I walked out of my closet, into my room. I swallowed the lump in my throat that threatened tears, and walked over to my bed. “Can you just gimme a minute to pack?” I whispered.

            “Of course.” The man’s tone softened. “Take as much time as you need.” He stepped out of my room, my mother close on his heels.

            As I packed, I could hear the coffee machine turn on, and the clattering of cups and mugs. I walked into the bathroom, and splashed some water on my face. I tried to avoid looking at my reflection, for fear that seeing it would finally break the wall protecting me from tears. Instead, I focused on brushing my teeth, and packing all my things from the bathroom. When I finally came downstairs with my suitcase in my hands, my teddy bear tucked under my arm, the man and my mother were seated at the kitchen table, the man with a steaming coffee mug in his hand, and a plate of bread in between him and my mother. The man took a last swig of his coffee, and shoved a piece of bread into his mouth. After swallowing, he asked me if I was ready to go. I nodded, and he stood up, making his way out the door.

            I began to follow him, but my mother stopped me. “No matter what happens, I promise you things will be okay, Sam.” She whispered, tears in her eyes. “After all, you are my baby girl, and I will never let anything happen to you. I promise, we will get this sorted out, okay? Sammy?” she brushed my hair out of my eyes, and pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was getting so worked up about this because she was really scared for me, or if it was all an act for the guest. But I shrugged all thoughts out of my head as my mother started to pull away from me. “I love you.” She breathed into my hair as we finally pulled away. “Always have, and always will.” I whispered the same to her, and gave her one last peck on the cheek. Then, I walked out to the car where the man was waiting for me.

            As I crunched through our gravel driveway to the car, I refused to let myself look back, knowing I would break down. Knowing that the moment I saw my mother standing there in the doorway of my house, that I would run to her and forgive her for all of the things that she had done to me. I wasn’t willing to let her get away unscathed, I wanted her to hurt as much as I did. And I knew that she would, as long as I did not look back.

I managed to get into the front seat of the car without looking, and it was a lucky break that the car’s windows were so tinted that I could not see anything. The man had already gotten in, so we backed out and drove away from the only place I had called home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The ride lasted to about fifteen minutes. And fifteen silent ones at that. The man tried to ask me questions, get me interested in small talk, but I refused to comply. I answered his questions, but made no effort to carry on any conversation. Just because I no longer trusted my mother didn’t mean that I was ready to trust the very next person I met.

I took the time of silence to examine the man. His skin was a deep, rich brown, making me wonder silently about his culture. His face was tired looking, like he had been through a lot of situations that made him want to just lie down. His eyes looked sad, and this was a lot different from many people his age that I had seen. I guessed him to be in his late fifties, and people at that age normally had crinkles on their faces, laugh lines and such. But I guess this man didn’t really have much to be laughing about.

His suit fit him in a way that made him look much more heavyset than he actually was, which made me wonder about his fashion sense. Did he have one? And even if he didn’t, shouldn’t his wife or someone like that have helped him get dressed this morning?

I glanced at his hands, which were anxiously gripping the steering wheel. They were big, with long fingers and large, calloused palms. I wondered why. What kind of work had he done that had made his hands so rough and calloused?  

He wore shiny black shoes, so shiny that I could almost see my reflection in them. They were big, and had a rounded point at the front. I watched his feet as he expertly shifted from the gas pedal to the brake, stopping at signs, and accelerating on bigger roads. I looked forward to the days when I would have a license, when I would be able to just drive, no cares in the world. But those days were in the distant future, even though I was almost fifteen and six months, because of the high costs of Driver’s Ed as well as the prices of cars.

We finally arrived at the orphanage, and the man seemed relieved to get out of the awkward situation I had created for him. Mission accomplished. After slowly getting my things out of the car, I stood up, brushed off my pants, and took a look around.

A large building loomed over me, with a small barn to my left, and a forested area to my right. On the lawn in front of the building, three or four small apple trees and a huge oak tree provided shade in which kids were nestled, talking, reading, and just relaxing. Four or five small kids chased a large chocolate lab that was running around the trees with a Frisbee in his mouth.

“Buckley! BUCKLEY!” they screamed, laughing as they chased him. I smiled at their carefree sounding laughs, but it lasted only a second, as I remembered where I was, and why I was here.

A few girls who looked about twelve or thirteen were nestled over by the wall of the building, talking and giggling as they pointed to two boys clearly showing off for their benefit with a soccer ball.

One of them tried to twist around the soccer ball and kick it, but he missed, causing an explosion of giggles from the girls. He fell to the ground, a little stunned at his mishap, and the ball rolled a few feet away. The other boy fell over in laughter.

Suddenly, Buckley decided that the Frisbee was no longer worth his attention, and went for the soccer ball instead. He picked it up in his mouth, and pranced over to one of the apple trees, where he lay down and started to chew it, leaving the two boys lying stunned on the ground.

“Buckley!” scolded the boy who had tripped. “Hey, give that back, boy!” he stood up, and started slowly over to Buckley, who froze with the ball between his paws.

“That’s a boy, stay there. I just want the ball back, okay?” the boy said, slowly making his way over to Buckley. When he was about a foot away, and Buckley still hadn’t moved, the boy paused, ready to jump. Buckley playfully picked up the ball in his mouth, and slowly rose to his feet.

“Just…stand…still…a…second…longer…” the boy muttered.

He shook his hips, steadied his feet, and then leapt, but not fast enough to catch Buckley, who darted out of the way at the last second. The boy yelled in frustration, his friend doubled over again, and Buckley ran around the yard, free once more.

The man, who had already started down the sidewalk towards the tall building, turned around, and motioned for me to follow him. “This way…to your room.” He said. I tried to hide a smile at the scene I had just witnessed as I followed him to the front door of the tall building.

We entered the building and came into a small waiting room, furnished with a few plastic armchairs, a small coffee table with a pile of magazines, and a front desk with a smiling woman who looked to be in her forties behind it. She had dirty blond hair, misty gray eyes highlighted with quite a bit of teal eye shadow, and bubblegum pink lips. She moved her lips up and down and from side to side, to withhold the large wad of actual pink bubblegum she was chewing, and occasionally a small pink bubble would form, only to be sucked back in a second later, as if she had let it emerge only accidentally.

She smiled widely when she saw Mr. Johnson walk by her desk, and even wider when she saw me cautiously following. “Well hey!” she said cheerily. “Who do we have here?”

Mr. Johnson grunted, and walked up to the desk. “Hey Carol.” He said. “This here is Samantha.” He motioned for me to come and stand beside him. “She has been taken from her home because of a supposed case of domestic abuse, and until we can figure out her situation with her abusive parent, she will be staying with us.”

Carol smiled. “Great!” she said. “Now, let me just check the computer, and see where we can put’cha, okay hon?” I smiled as best as I could without making it look too fake, and nodded.

Carol turned to a large, old looking computer on her desk, and clicked the mouse a few times. After typing in what seemed to be a very long and complicated code, she looked back up at Mr. Johnson. “Well, we have an open double over in section 3C, but I can’t promise that she will have the room to herself the entire time.”

Mr. Johnson nodded. “Whatever we have, we have.” He turned to me. “Let’s go.”

We walked over to an elevator, and Mr. Johnson pressed the button to go up. The doors slowly creaked open, and I rolled my suitcase inside. Mr. Johnson pressed the button labeled “3” and the doors slowly creaked shut.

I tightened my grip on my suitcase, anxious to see where I would be living. After a long, awkward moment in the silent elevator, the doors creaked open again, and I made a move to get out. “Not yet.”Mr. Johnson warned. “This is only the second floor.”

“Oh.” I mumbled. “Sorry. Well then why did we stop?”

“Oh! Sorry.” A voice said. “I didn’t realize the elevator was here.” A boy who looked about my age with short brown hair, dark, chocolate colored eyes, and a small smile stepped in. “I’m going down to the first floor.” He said.

He stepped next to me, and I couldn’t help but be aware of how much more awkward it felt in the elevator with him there. The elevator dinged again, and the doors creaked open. “This is our stop,” grunted Mr. Johnson. “See you around Dillon.”  The boy gave a small wave, and stared at me as we walked out.

We left the elevators, and made our way into a hallway lined with doors. I watched the room numbers as they increased, paying attention to the signs that informed us as we passed from section A, to section B, and finally to Section C. We approached a door with the number 314C on it, and Mr. Johnson pushed open the door, revealing a large room with a dresser, two beds, a nightstand, two lamps, and a small window with a small curtain.

 “This is your room.” He said, trying a smile.

It didn’t work on me. “Who am I sharing it with?” I asked.

“Oh, no one.” He answered. “ At least, no one yet. I can’t make any promises that you will be alone the entire time. We have new kids come in all the time, and we don’t have enough room to give everyone their own single, you understand. So, I will give you some time to unpack, but first, let me give you an idea of what is gonna happen around here.”

I raised my eyebrows, curious to see what things this man had in store for me.

“You see, around here, we all work together to keep this orphanage clean. So, you will be required to keep your room clean. Is that understood?”

I nodded. Being a dirty person had never occurred to me, I had always been pretty tidy back home.

“We have a school here, and every day except for the weekends, you will be required to go to school for four hours. I know it is a little different than the other school systems, but we do the best we can with what we have here. Does that sound good to you?”

Again, I nodded, not minding the change one bit. At school before, I had been unpopular, outcasted for my inability to trust people, my refusal to do what everyone else did. But, I didn’t really care. None of the people who I went to school with understood my situation anyway. If I had any luck here, maybe I would just be able to blend in with the crowd. I could sink in, lay low, stay unnoticed.

“Breakfast is served at 8:00 a.m., and lunch is at 12:30. School starts at 8:30, and then you go to lunch. You can do your homework, your chores, or focus on anything quietly until dinner, which is at 5:00, understood? We have a variety of games you can play, outside or inside, and a few organized sports. But, if you break any rules, you will be punished.”

I nodded once again; glad that I would have a lot of freedom. In fact, living in this place was sounding better and better at everything that Mr. Johnson was saying.

“Okay, I am going to leave and let you get unpacked. If you have any further questions or concerns, you can contact me by coming to my office, which is downstairs on the first floor. I hope that everything goes well for you while you are staying here.” Mr. Johnson nodded a quick goodbye, and stepped out of the small room. Instantly, it felt a million times roomier, and a lot easier to breathe in. I flopped down onto the bed by the window, claiming it as mine. If anyone came in to share the room with me, which I hoped wouldn’t happen; they would have to sleep in the other bed. I closed my eyes, and tried to forget all the things that had happened over the course of the last few days.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was high in the sky, and it was streaming through my window. I sat up; angry that the sun had awakened me from a forgetful slumber two times in one day. I stood, and pulled my suitcase off the floor and onto the bed where I had just been laying. Then I opened it and began to unpack.

I used only the top two drawers, leaving three unoccupied. I guess I had less things then I had thought, or that anyone else had expected. Then again, why would an orphanage be a place to have such big dressers? Wouldn’t they expect that the majority of the children that came would be ones to have little luggage? I shook the thoughts out of my head. What did I care? More room for me.

After unloading all of my worldly possessions, which wasn’t much, I turned and looked at the last thing in my suitcase. My old teddy bear. I couldn’t believe that he was still with me, let alone that he hadn’t fallen apart. After all, he had been given to me in a time that seemed as distant as the past that I had learned about in school. He had been given to me by people-family- that I hadn’t seen in years. And it was all because of my mother. Because she thought she knew what was best for me. She thought that the only explanation was to run away from the people she didn’t want to see, if she couldn’t convince them to get away from her. She ran away from my grandparents, because they had refused to leave her alone. They had pestered her because they loved me. Truly loved me, and cared about me. Possibly more than my mother ever had, and that was what made her the angriest. That was what had made her take me away from them. This realization shocked me. All my life, I had never crossed my mother. Not until last night, when I—

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud whinnying sound. I walked over to the window and looked out. There was a small barn, nothing too fancy or special. But it was obviously where the sound was coming from. So, having nothing better to do, and not wanting to face my thoughts, I walked out of my room, outside and over to the barn. As soon as I walked inside, I heard the sound again, but much more pronounced and loud. I walked over to a stall, where a pitch black horse was standing. He had a white star-shaped mark on his forehead, and his mane and tail were streaked with white. His legs were white at the bottom, ending in a black hoof.  He walked over to me, and nudged me with his nose. Clearly, all he wanted was attention. I rubbed his nose, and tried my best to soothe him. I had never really been an animal person. “What’s your name, huh? You’re a very nice horse, aren’t you?”

“That’s Nightstar.” A voice behind me mumbled. I turned around, shocked that anyone could have followed me. As I got a closer look at my follower, I saw that it was the boy from earlier. The one from the elevator, who had stared at me and who was apparently named Dillon. Looking at him, I felt like I had seen him before, seen his blue sweater, his ripped jeans. I felt like his long eyelashes, his pink lips, were something I had seen before, like his face was one I wouldn’t be likely to forget. His brown eyes clouded over with questioning, and he frowned a little, squinting at me.  

“Um, do I know you from somewhere?” he asked.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” I said.

“Really? Good, then I’m not crazy or anything.” He laughed. “Did we, used to be, neighbors?”

I slowly started to nod. “Yeah, Dillon, right? You lived two doors down, in the house with the dark blue shutters?”

He smiled, and nodded. “And you, you’re Sam, right? And you used to live in the house with the gravel driveway?  Oh I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you! I mean, we used to play together all the time, right?”  

I let out a breath that I didn’t know I had been holding. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you either. So, Nightstar? That’s this horse behind me?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s him. I come here every day, to, you know, feed him a carrot. But, I don’t really do much other than that. I just, we, it seemed like he was the only one I could talk to sometimes? I know that sounds completely nerdy and all, but…yeah.”

“Oh no, I completely understand.” I said quietly. The sudden quiet made me feel uncomfortable. Things were getting too deep too fast, and I knew I had to get myself out of there before my mind took me to a place I definitely didn’t want to go. “Um, it was really nice to meet you, again. But, I have to…go now, so, I guess I’ll see you around.” I shrugged, and walked past Dillon and outside the barn. I let out my breath again, and shook my head. What a small world.

Back in my room, I looked at the sun, which was still high in the sky. I couldn’t believe that it was barely noon. After all the things that had happened, it felt like it had been at least a week. It amazed me how the world was able to go on like nothing had happened, like everything was normal. But, I guess it meant that the world didn’t really revolve around me. I never really thought it did, but it would be nice to see some recognition, to actually have some sympathy given to me for what I was going through, maybe some clouds, or rain? Anything instead of the sun shining like it was just another beautiful day, another day to appreciate all the things I didn’t have. I stayed in my room the entire afternoon, and it took some time before I was ready to go down for dinner. When I walked into the dining area, my stomach fell. It was like school all over again. Where was I going to sit? It didn’t look like there were any empty tables, and I really didn’t feel like skipping dinner, not after I’d skipped breakfast and lunch.

I slowly walked up to the line where the food was being served, carefully chose my dinner, and took my time walking to get silverware and a drink. I hoped, prayed, that a table would be open for me when I turned around, that this day could get a little better. But, when I turned around, there were no tables. If anything, it had become more crowded. I cursed this situation, and vowed to get here before rush hour next time. I started to walk over to a table where there were a group of girls and one empty seat when I heard my name being called. “Sam! Do you want to sit here?”

I turned around to see Dillon standing and waving at me. He smiled, and it was more genuine a smile than I had seen for a long time. I walked over to his table, where he was sitting with a group of other people. “Hey, thanks.” I said as I sat down. “I had nowhere to sit. You really saved me there.”

“Hey, it was no problem.” He smiled. “You seemed really nervous. I remember my first meal here. It was pretty bad. I had nowhere to sit. I had to eat in the bathroom, but luckily it was lunch, not dinner.” He laughed.

I smiled at his laugh. It too was genuine, and he made it sound like it was so easy to do. Like laughing, being happy at small things was simple. And maybe for him it was. Maybe laughing really wasn’t something that was supposed to be so hard. I wished that I could let go of some of the things that made me sad, made me angry. Maybe then I could laugh like Dillon did. Easily, and happily.  

I shook the thoughts out of my head. But new ones quickly came in their place. We had lived entirely different lives, there’s no way that I could ever be like him. The reason he was in this orphanage, it was probably a simple one, like he was an orphan from the beginning, a child who never had anything to lose in the first place, someone who had only things to gain. Someone like me, a girl who grew up with things, parents, a house, a life, and everything to lose, no wonder I would have trouble laughing. Because, as a fact, I did lose pretty much everything. I lost my dad, my old home, my old life, and I was about to lose my mother. Never mind about to, I had lost her.

Maybe if things had been different, if I had been able to control my anger, like I had before. I could have survived, and then moved out when I turned eighteen. I could have done it, made it into a good college, gotten a good job, gone on to live my life. But instead, I had let my anger control me. I had lashed out at my mother, at a time when I knew no good would come out of it. I knew these things, I knew that I was ruining my future. So why hadn’t I stopped? What was wrong with me that I had allowed myself to go as far as voicing my concerns to my mother, the very person whom my concerns were about? There was no way to change what had happened. I would just have to accept it. I would have to accept the things I said, the things I did--

My thoughts were interrupted by Dillon’s voice. “Hey, Sam, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, looking up into his face. His warm brown eyes looked worried, and his face was morphed into a small frown. He looked genuinely concerned about me, like he really cared what I was thinking about, the war I had going on in my mind.

He smiled. “I’m glad. You looked a little out of it, like you were totally zoned out into your own little world or something.” He laughed again. “I guess sometimes we all do that, right? We all have our own worlds where we zone out to.”

I nodded, smiling without meaning to. “Yeah.” I said. “Thanks for, you know, getting me.”

Dillon smiled, but his face suddenly got serious. “You must be thinking of your family, your mom, right? I know I did, when I first got here. They were all I thought about, my family, my dog, my sister. I think that she is the one I miss the most. My sister I mean. We were really close, before all this.”

I nodded, staring at my plate. What a jerk I was, assuming he had nothing to be sad about. Being in an orphanage at all, that was something to make you sad enough anyway. And to think that I had assumed that only I had it the worst. That it was me who was the one with the reason to be sad. When I looked up, I saw Dillon was looking at me, and we made eye contact briefly before looking away. I wanted to ask him what his reason for being here was, who his sister was, and why they weren’t together. But, instead I tried to smile consolingly. “I guess we all have the things we miss the most.” I said softly.

Dillon nodded, a shadow passing over his face for a brief moment until he replaced it with a warm smile. “I think, I think we should leave now.” He said, perking up a bit. “I mean. You should see this place empty out, it’s a madhouse!” he laughed, and grabbed my tray for me. “I’ll go put these away. I’ll be right back, then we can go.”

I smiled once again, surprised at the quick change in Dillon’s attitude Maybe, just maybe, Dillon would be one who would understand what I was going through. He had lived next to me, but life at his home had seemed pretty normal, at least to me, an outsider. But, I now realized that often times, the ones whose lives seem the most normal are the ones whose lives are the most disturbed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dillon walked back over to the table. “Hey, so ready to go?” he asked. I nodded, and we walked out of the cafeteria together. I wasn’t really sure where we were going, or why we were going together, but I wasn’t about to question the first person who had been able to make me smile in a place I thought would steal the few smiles I had left.

We ended up walking to the barn, to visit Nightstar, I presumed. When we entered, Dillon pulled out a carrot from his pocket, and gently fed it to the horse. I admired the way he was so gentle with is touch, so different from what I was used to.

“So…” I said, wanting to make conversation.

“So…what?” Dillon replied, not looking up from his hands, where Nightstar had quickly gobbled up the carrot.

“I don’t know.” I said. “I was just trying to make some conversation.”

“Well, okay. How about that weather today?” he smiled, looking up at me.

I smiled too. “It’s great.” I said, staring at my hands.

“Yeah.” He said, looking at me with his kind eyes. “Really pretty.”

I looked up from my hands, and saw Dillon looking at me briefly, before he quickly darted his eyes away. “So, I guess we better leave, and let Nightstar get some rest.”

I shrugged, “Yeah, I guess so.” I was a little disappointed, but at what I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that I was not really looking forward to trying to sleep after all that had happened today.  

We walked out of the barn, and all the way to my room, we were silent. When we got to my room, I was unsure of what to do.  I took in a deep breath. “So listen,” I began. “Thanks for, you know, saving me, out there in the cafeteria. I mean, it was really nice of you to invite me over like that.”

Dillon nodded, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It was no problem. I mean, I was alone, and had to save myself on my first day. So I figured, why not save you? Spare you the misery. And, you’re nice. I like you. So, have a great night, and, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow? At my table for breakfast?”

I smiled. “Yeah. Sounds great.”

I gently shut the door, unable to keep the bright smile from creeping onto my face. I had found a friend! Someone who might be able to help me through the pain of living in the orphanage. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~                  

The next morning, I woke up, got dressed into a pair of jeans and my favorite shirt, a soft one that I had owned forever, one that my dad had brought back to me from one of his trips to New York. When I had gotten it, it had been huge on me, one of those shirts I could only wear as a nightgown. But over the years, it had gotten smaller, eventually small enough to fit me comfortably. It had been through a lot, it had even survived my mother’s frequent trash raids, where she would raid my room and take anything that reminded her of my father. I had a sudden longing to see my father, but I shook the thought out of my head. Now was not the time to be feeling nostalgia for my old life. I brushed through my hair really fast, not even bothering to put it into a ponytail, just letting it hang loose, and hurried downstairs, where Dillon was waiting for me at a table. He pointed to a vacant spot across the table from him, and I sat down, smiling to myself. I could cross not having a place to sit at during mealtimes off of my list of worries.

“So,” Dillon began.

“So what?” I asked.

“Nothing, I was just trying to make conversation.” Dillon smiled.  “But, seriously, how are you? I mean, I know that the first night was the hardest for me.”

“Oh, I am fine, good, actually.” I replied. “Luckily, I met this really nice guy. He seems like someone I want to get to know a little better.”

Dillon smiled. “Oh, really? Well I think that the perfect opportunity for this guy to get closer to you would be to give you a great tour, and show you all of his favorite things about this place.”

I bit my lip to keep from smiling too wide. “Sounds great.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~      

            I closed my eyes and flopped down onto my bed. Dillon had shown me so how amazing this orphanage really was, if you cared enough to look closely. When I had first arrived, which seemed like forever ago, I had thought that this place would be a prison, somewhere where I would be nothing but unhappy. Never would I have imagined that it was actually the opposite. The orphanage held many wonders, if you knew where to look.

            Dillon had shown me the basics, such as the school where I would be studying starting Monday, and the library. But when I had expressed disinterest, he took me upstairs. Not to a second or third floor, but literally upstairs, to what was some sort of rooftop greenhouse.

There were saplings, vegetables, and flowers blooming beautifully, but Dillon breezed right past them, muttering “School science projects” on his way. I had wanted to stop him, to ask him how an orphanage could afford something as luxurious as a rooftop greenhouse, but he seemed like he was on a mission to show me something even better.

Dillon opened the door, and I felt a cool breeze on my face, bringing me out of my springtime reverie and into the real world, where it was fall and leaves were falling, not growing. I shook my head, and looked at Dillon. He walked out, and I followed him, with a last glance at the beautiful greenhouse.

Dillon walked to the edge of the rooftop, and leapt off. I gasped, momentarily stunned, until I heard Dillon’s voice call out. “Sam!”

I walked cautiously over to the edge of the roof, and looked down. What I saw was the biggest, most breathtaking tree I had ever seen. It had large, intertwining branches that all attached to a trunk as big as a house. I had missed seeing it when I had arrived, because it was all the way behind the building, hidden from sight.

Dillon motioned for me to jump onto the tree. I was torn, wanting to follow him, this boy who made me feel like I had known him forever, which, perhaps I had, but cautious because I actually hardly knew him. After a moment of deliberation, I took a deep breath, threw my fears away, and jumped.

I landed softly on a large branch covered with a blanket of leaves. Dillon, who was sitting on another branch about two feet away, smiled. He climbed over to join me on the branch I was sitting on, and laughed. “I wanted to give you plenty of room, but I didn’t know you would be so graceful!”

I laughed too, suddenly conscious about how close Dillon was. He was sitting right next to me, his body less than a foot away, his hand resting right next to mine. “Oh, yeah.” I said. “This is…gorgeous. It’s the biggest tree I have ever seen in my life!”

Dillon smiled. “I hoped you would like it. I was mesmerized when I first saw it, and I have been coming here all the time, to kind of relax, I guess.”

“Yeah.” I breathed. “I can totally see why you would come here. It’s so beautiful!”

“It kind of lets me get away from it all, away from the problems of the world.”

“Yeah.” I said, staring out at the leaves ahead of me. “I totally understand.”

I turned and looked at Dillon. I mean really looked at him for a second. His eyes were a deep, rich brown, and his hair was dark, almost black, and cut pretty short. He wore jeans with holes that looked like they had actually been ripped while worn, not like all the designer jeans that came pre-ripped. His T-shirt was old and faded too, so much so that I could barely even see the print, which I think said something about the Beatles. I figured that it was affected by age, and was actually a Beatles shirt from a long time ago, as opposed to being bought to look like it was vintage. He wore a pair of Converse that looked old, but well taken care of.

Dillon cleared his throat, and I looked away, embarrassed. “I, um, was just, admiring your shoes.” I mumbled. “Converse? Cool.”

Dillon laughed. “Thanks.” He said. I looked up, and saw that he was smiling at me. For a moment we locked eyes, and his hand brushed against mine. We both blushed and looked away, but looked back at the same time. I turned away again, and looked at a branch directly in front of me. I stared at it, willing it to make things less awkward.

“Hey, do you remember that time that I was selling popsicles?” he blurted out.

I turned towards him. “What?” I asked, confused.

“One time, I was selling popsicles, and I knocked on your door, and you answered. It was like, really hot outside, and I begged you to buy one, before they all melted.”

I laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, you felt sorry for me, and so you said that you were going to buy all of my popsicles, but you would have to pay me in lemonade instead of money.  So you gave me like, a whole pitcher of lemonade, and I gave you all my popsicles, and then we went and sat out on the curb  and shared? We were like, six or seven or something, I don’t know why I just remembered.”

I laughed again. “Yeah, I sort of remember that. My lemonade was terrible, because I added too much sugar, and the popsicles were way too watery. But I still thought they were the best tasting things I had ever had.”

Dillon smiled. “Yeah. That was a really good day. I wish life could just stay as simple as that, as simple as it seemed when you were six or seven.”

“Yeah.” I smiled wistfully. “But it doesn’t , does it?”

Dillon smiled, shaking his head. He took my hand, and I let him, the awkwardness from before melting as quickly as if it had been one of Dillon’s popsicles from that day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dillon and I sat like that, like we were just little kids again, for a really long time. Finally, he spoke, breaking the comfortable silence. “I guess we better be getting back.” He said, sounding reluctant.
            “Yeah.” I agreed. We both stood up, pulling our hands apart to brush ourselves off. “How exactly do we get out of here anyway?”

Dillon smiled. “We climb to the bottom.” He said.

“Oh.” I said. “Um, okay.”

Dillon laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

A few minutes later, we had maneuvered our way all the way to the bottom of the tree, and Dillon jumped down, holding his hand out to me. I took it, glad for the support as I quickly jumped to the ground. When I was safely on solid grass, Dillon smiled. “You were great for a first-time tree climber.” he said, not letting go of my hand.

“Thanks.” I smiled, partially because of the compliment, but mostly because he was still holding my hand.

He held it the entire time, at least until we got to my room. “So, I, um, guess I will see you later?” he asked me.

“Yeah.” I nodded, smiling. “Thanks, for today. It was really great, remembering the old times.”

He smiled. “Yeah.” He said. “I really miss that.”

I bit my lip. “Me too.”  

Dillon gave me one last smile, then turned down the hallway, walking towards his room.  

I gently closed my door, and flopped down onto my bed, thinking about how warm his hand had been on mine, and how nice today had been. I thought about this until I finally fell asleep, the sun coming in through the window warm on my skin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up the next morning laying on the end of my bed, fully clothed, impressions on my cheek, and my hair a mess. I looked at the small clock on the bedside table. The small number said 6:30. I guess I hadn’t really realized how tired I had been, if I had been able to sleep  for a good thirteen hours or so. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for the next hour and a half until breakfast was served.

I showered, brushed my teeth, and got dressed, and even managed to organize and unpack all of my things, but that only killed about forty-five minutes. I guess I had gotten accustomed to doing things quickly, which I guess was not necessarily a good thing, at least not today. I decided to go to the tree; the one Dillon had shown me the day before. I mean, I had really enjoyed being there, not just because I was there with him. It was quiet, serene. A place where I could go to gather my thoughts, so why not go there now, when I had the time to? I grabbed a jacket, just in case it would be cold, and walked out.

It turns out I knew exactly how to get there, as if I had been going my entire life. My feet carried me right to the edge of the roof, where I had been standing the day before. I jumped without even thinking about it, and landed on the soft branch covered in leaves just as I had before. Looking at the leaves and branches of the tree, I could almost feel my body relaxing. I closed my eyes, letting the sounds of nature overtake me. 

I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I felt something slamming into me, hard. I yelled, unable to help myself from being surprised.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” I heard a voice say. I opened my eyes, confused. What I saw was a pretty girl, who looked about my age. Her stick straight, plum colored hair was pushed neatly behind a headband, and it hung shimmering down her back. She had a small, pixie-like face, and a pert little nose. Her mouth was formed into a small o-shape of surprise, her dark red lips shiny with what looked like clear lip gloss.

Her face looked flawless, but she wore only a swish of brown eyeliner and a hint of mascara. I envied people who knew how to make so little make-up look so amazing. She was wearing pink jeans, with a chocolate brown sweater and a purple and green scarf. But nothing amazed me more than her eyes. They were violet, and glittered in the morning sun. I stared at them, mesmerized by the exquisite color.

The girl stared at me, and raised her eyebrows. “Is there something wrong?” she asked. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

I blinked, and immediately looked away from her eyes. “I’m sorry!” I blushed. “It’s just, your eyes are a really pretty color, and I don’t think I have ever seen anything like them.”

The girl’s face softened. “Oh, yeah.” She said. “I get that I lot. I’m Nellie, by the way.”

“Sam.” I replied. “Sorry, about um…being in your way. I didn’t think anybody else came to this tree, at least, not this time of the morning.”

Nellie laughed. “Oh, well, I just got here, I mean, this time. I have been back and forth from here back home, but I think I am here for good this time. My mom’s boyfriends, well, they are kind of responsible for a lot of bad things. And this new one…well, I think he makes me want to stay at this place more than I want to stay at home. And…you probably don’t care about my problems. I’m sorry, I’m going to stop talking now.”

I laughed too. “Oh, it’s not problem. It’s great to have company!”

Nellie’s face suddenly darkened. “Um, no offense, but, how did you come to find this place?” Her eyes, which had been bright and flawless a moment before were now more ominous, questioning my presence.

I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could, Nellie interrupted me. “It was Dillon, wasn’t it?”

I slowly nodded, and swallowed the lump that had been slowly rising to the surface. “Um, yeah.” I whispered. “He showed me this tree yesterday.”

Nellie laughed, dimples showing in her cheeks, the bright violet color of her eyes light and happy once again. “I should have known. Dillon’s always bringing pretty girls up here.  I just have never seen one come back up without him. I’m sorry if I sounded a bit tense about it before, but I kind of like to think that this place is my own, you know? Well, mine and Dillon’s.”

“Oh, it’s cool. I get it.” I smiled, trying not to think about the fact that she had said that Dillon brought a lot of pretty girls into this very tree. “That’s, kind of the reason I came up here too. I wanted to get away, at least for a little while.”

“Yeah.” The girl said. “Um, so how did you meet Dillon?”

“Oh! Um, well, I just got here two…days ago, and he recognized me from when we were neighbors years ago. Yeah, so he let me sit with him at dinner and then breakfast, and then he took me on a tour, and we ended up here.”

Nellie’s eyebrows rose, and she opened her mouth to speak. “So, you knew him before?”

“Well, yeah, he lived two doors down for like, seven years. Since we were both about four, I think.”

“Okay, well, do you like him?”

“Um, what?” this time I raised my own eyebrows, a little shocked at the flat out question this girl I barely knew had just blurted out.”

“Do you like him? I mean, it’s okay if you do, I don’t care, I’m just wondering.”

“Um, well I don’t know. I don’t really know him that well. I mean, I haven’t seen him since I was about eleven.”

Nellie smiled. “I guess I must seem a little weird, huh? Listen, Dillon and I, we met the first time that I came here, about six months ago. He was really nice, and every time I left and came back, he acted completely normal, and stuff. We became friends, and, well, I just like to know about girls who like him. I mean, I just don’t want him to get hurt. So don’t be weirded out by me or anything.”

I smiled, and nodded. “Oh, I’m not weirded out or anything! I mean, I’m sure you know him way better than I do. And that’s cool. It’s, nice that he has someone like you, someone to look out for him.”

Nellie sat back against a tree limb. “You get it.” she said, closing her eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

About twenty minutes later, Nellie sat back up and yawned. I opened my eyes, and stretched, not realizing that I had fallen asleep. “Well, it was really nice to meet you, Nellie!” I said. “But I better be getting back to my room now.”

“Oh, well, I’ll come with you. I mean, I have to be getting back too.” Nellie stood up, and stretched.

We climbed to the bottom of the tree, and I walked toward my room, with Nellie following me. She followed me to the elevator, and I asked her what floor as I pressed the button for floor three. “Um, what floor are you?” I mumbled.

“Three.” She said.

“Oh, cool. Me too.”

We came to the third floor, and I walked to my room, aware that Nellie was following me the entire way. She followed me all the way to the door of my room, and I summoned the courage to ask her where exactly she was going. Nellie looked at her hand to study a scribbled note there. “Room 314C.” she said with confidence.

“Um. Really? Because that’s my room.” I mumbled quietly.

Nellie laughed, and then shook her head. “Really?”

I nodded slowly.

“Well then I guess we’re roomies!” she said after an awkward moment of silence.

“Uh-huh.”

I pushed open the door. “Um, you can have the bed near the door. I kind of already claimed the other one.”