22 October 2012 "Passion"

I want passion. Bite my lips while staring at yours, our warm skin pressed against each other, smile so wide it hurts, wrinkle my nose , pupils dilated, passion. I want to feel invigorated by your presence, by your body heat keeping me warm. I want to feel breathless.

I want sweet. I want you to buy me hot chocolate, and smile at me and hold my hand, and kiss me on the cheek. I want people to feel jealous because you’re so sweet to me. I want to feel lucky.

I want silliness. I want to have pillow fights and giggle endlessly, I want to make funny faces and make stupid videos and feel drunk off of you.

I want to be able to smile and look up and kiss you on the nose, and I want you to tell me to shut up and then kiss me to get me away from my anger. I want to do stupid things together, and have great conversations and I want to tell you things I’ve never told anyone. I want to smile in the middle of the night and I want to feel confident you’re thinking about me. I want to buy you great Christmas and birthday presents because I know what you like and I want us to like the same music because that immediately makes things interesting. I want you to look at me and make me feel special.

I want you to introduce me to new things. I want to learn everything you like and meet everyone you love.

Let’s go apple picking. We’ll climb in the trees and the sun will reach that beautiful light that it does every night at about five-thirty and I will feel pretty. And I will eat an apple and smile because it will be me, finally living in the beauty of the moment. I want you to force me into the present because it’s too hard for me to do it myself. I want to focus on the now, because it is too stressful not to.

I want to wake up in the morning and smile because I feel secure and I want you to love me. I want to love you and I don’t want either of us to be more emotionally invested. I want to see couples and I want to smile because I hope they are as happy as we are.

Let’s keep technology out of it. text messages are stupid and they make me feel insecure. Let’s talk on the phone, let’s write letters. Let’s just be together.

Let’s have that teenage love everyone talks about. I want invigorating highs even if it means devastating lows. Because I want to be nostalgic someday and I want memories and I want to know what it feels like to be the person in a song or book or movie.